Humans are amazing. I mean, at least, my humans are amazing. They come when I call, shower me with affection, and clean up after me. I would call them my “help”, but I don’t even pay them. For some reason, these lovely creatures have taken it upon themselves to be my personal cat-slaves. Rather than point it out (as Percy suggests) I try to enjoy their adoration, without questioning it, too much.
The scratches are wonderful. Playtime is exciting. They even got a home for us with huge windows to watch the birds fly by (and I imagine it was some trouble to find and hire so many birds to entertain us).
When I developed an allergy to grain some lady (who did unmentionable tests on myself) told them to feed me disgusting diet food. These lovable humans saw how little I cared for my new diet and took it upon themselves to find a better solution. In fact, they found this pure, delicious fish (am I saying that right? FISH?) to feed me instead. They call it tu-na, and it is a delicacy.
Percy and I have long wondered where our humans go, when they leave the house, and, now, we’re wondering where all of this tuna comes from. I have come up with a theory. In fact, it came to me in a dream. There must be giant fish supplying all of this tuna. How else could my humans give me the same, delicious fish, every day?! Clearly, one day when they left, they hunted a giant tuna to feed us for the year. Duh. Somewhere there are a giant tuna’s bones, picked clean (they’d have to be, we eat a lot of tuna). In my dream, Percy and I found the bones, and we attached them to a balloon, where we rode them through the skies (to find more giant fish, of coarse).
I told my human, Sarah, about this dream. When she stopped laughing she made an animated cat gif or three based on my musings. She wanted them to “come to life”. See, aren’t my humans helpful? This animated cat gif is actually far better than my imagining. I thought tuna was just a metal can, but I guess it’s more like a swimming bird. Either way, Percy and I have decided to take a fish bone balloon around the world, when we retire, and catch all the flying and swimming birds we can eat.
Cliff Tarpey (Cat)